marriage

2 rings. 3 years. 36 months. 2 pregnancies. 1 baby boy. 5 times moving around.

figures are definite.
but it can’t define a marriage.

it is an uncountable happiness & tears.
a never ending discussion.
a road that both of the member refuse to find its end.

Terjemahan SOP

SOP atau Standard Operation Procedure dapat diterjemahkan menjadi Prosedur Operasi Standar (Sumber: Wikipedia Bahasa Indonesia)

Menurut Ivan Lanin, frase dalam Bahasa Inggris umumnya diterjemahkan ke dalam Bahasa Indonesia  dengan dibalik total. Sehingga Standard Operation Procedure dapat diterjemahkan menjadi Prosedur Operasi Standar atau Prosedur Operasi Baku

Language Matters

When I set this blog up, I just wanted to go back to my writing routine, my so-called mumbling activity.
But now, there is a need inside me to share what I've learnt, or read, or heard, or seen. No, this does not mean that I'm bragging about things I know. Not at all.

Ancora Imparo, I'm still learning. Did you know, that any knowledge you share will come back to you twice, three times as much as you give? Or even more. By sharing and discussing things, you will get a lot.

Now, I'm open for discussion. Therefore, it will be a bit hard if I'm still writing in English. It's undeniable that I'm living in a country where English is not the first language and people are too afraid to speak up their mind if they can't say it nicely.

Language matters. Thus, I might still mumbling in English, but juggling up with Indonesian language in several posts. It's exciting. One day my friend said, "you can't even speak in Indonesian language, yet it's your first language." Oh well, let's see.

Now, where should I start? Digging up the book, for sure.

My Working Mornings

• Wake up on 3am
• Breastfeed Amadeo
• Express my breast milk
• Clean the breastpump and bottles
• Sterilise them
• Take a shower and dress up
• Breastfeed Amadeo while waiting for the carpool vehicle to pick me up
• Leave the house between 5:15am-5:30am
• Noting, texting, tweeting, scratching, listening, anything on the way to office
• Arrive around 7am @ Jalan Sudirman, take a cab to Jalan Rasuna Said
• Express my breast milk once I arrive @ my office

Every working  days, these are all the things I have to do before I start to work on 8am. Never realise how busy I am in the morning before I wrote the list above.

Great

Things are running well.
Arie and I have a regular schedule now.
We are back to what we were.
Just great.
Happy to have a husband like him.

So Long Bro...

It was last night, I tweeted:

# Denger Nirvana di radio, inget dulu bersedih dan berduka berhari-hari waktu Kurt Cobain meninggal. about 12 hours ago via Snaptu

(Listen to Nirvana on the radio, reminds me when I was deeply sad and mourn for days when Kurt Cobain die)

This morning, I got a mourning call, told me that my dear cousin, Ivan Henry has passed away.

It was with him, I shared the sadness about Cobain. We used to sit silently inside his bedroom, listen to many kind of music. He was so talented in music and graphic design. Until six years ago.

Well bro, the virus has finally beaten you after six years. But your spirit, the way you struggle to keep going everyday, will live inside of me eternally.

Take care bro. Till we meet again.

My Saturday

I woke up early in the morning. Too early. It was 5am, Amadeo was fully awake and tried to catch my attention by touching my eyes and nose. Oh yes, our 4.5months premmie is able to do such thing now.

So I woke up, held him in my arms and breastfed him for half an hour. Then I changed him, and we went out our bedroom. His grandma was at the kitchen preparing breakfast for Api&Mio (my brother and his wife, they are called that way). I wanted to take him out of the house, but it's way too early. We went back to bed again :D

We woke up again around 8ish. I put Amadeo in his pram so I can have my brekkie, but he wanted to chat with everyone. He made sounds as he does nowadays, calling people and trying to get their attention. There were my dad, mum, and Amadeo's cousin, Keitaro. So, ok, I took him near by me so he can be involved in our brekkie conversation.

He was meant to do bath afterwards, but instead to go to the bathroom, we went back again to the bedroom and found his dad on yahoo messenger. I breastfed Amadeo again and felt so sleepy. Again. Oh well, blame the relaxing hormones!

We woke up again around 11ish. Oh geez, deja vu :D
This time, Amadeo had his bath :D After that, we had a cupping practice. Amadeo is learning how to drink from a cup. Sometimes it can be a successful session, but many times Amadeo will end up bored and stressed. Like today. It was because he used to drink from bottle. But it's ok, Arie and I strongly believe Amadeo can do cupping eventually.

After the practice, he sleeps up until now. That's why I can write this long.
Oh no, I hear a siren sound outside. Must be Keitaro and his bike. Hoho.. Gotta go now.

Handle Your Breastpump Equipment In Your Workplace

If you are breastfeeding and also a working mom, you might find this information useful.

I use breastpump to express my milk at office, 2-4 times a day. It will be harder if I have to sterilize my pump in between expressing time. There is a tip I found from a booklet by Australian Breastfeeding Association, on how to deal with this.

In between expressing, I simply store my pump equipment to a plastic storage with lid, and put them in the fridge. That way, the equipment will stay fresh and I can reuse them.

My Domain

I have a domain, hosting in some server at Singapore. It was supposed to be me and my husband's wedding invitation site. However, since the wedding (party, not the holy matrimony part) was canceled, the site stays there, empty.

I extend the domain and its space every year without doing any development on the site. Owh ok.. There was one time I blog there, but forgot to activate the anti-spam. Lots of new comments that selling stuff keep coming. Since I was a student, who always try to look busy, I did not have time to deal with those comments. And I just went silently out of that blog.

Now. I have time. Or I should say, I have to kill time. Being separate from Arie, my husband, makes me have to keep busy all the time.

Then I'm thinking to develop the site, and move this blog there. Err... move? Again? Hehehe...

I miss Arie so much...

Morning Monday!

It's Monday. Means morning meeting as an appetizer and English club as a dessert. But today I will skip the dessert, for I will only work half day. We have an appointment tonight for Amadeo's 3rd immunisation.

Actually today I am supposed to be on a leave. But my boss asked me to come because there are things to be done today and, oh well.. I can be replaced by anyone but he insisted me to come. It's fine by me, I love my job.

Hmm... need to start the day soon. Need a cuppa soon.


Miss Amadeo...

In Between Busy Days

It was last week that I thought I will not have anything to do. At least, not much. But I keep going, my brain works faster than it works in normal situation.

Today.
I had a meeting this morning, and here I am with a lot of things to do. I love this fact, though I know I will be very busy in couple of weeks ahead. Oh and also, I was offered to start involving in BI project for my division. I accepted the offer with all my pleasure.

I miss my baby Amadeo tho.. Last weekend, he was so clingy to me. They said, he might miss me as much I miss him when I'm not home.
We took him for his first swim. Everyone was happy. Was Deyo happy? We don't know :D At least, he didn't get cold after that.

Back to Work

No changing.

I try to implement Change Management tho..

Jakarta

I am in Jakarta now. Have been here since 3 weeks ago. Leaving Melbourne feels like leaving my comfort zone. I think I feel this way because I move to Jakarta.

Since I arrived here, many times I find myself trapped in uncomfortable situation. I don't have to mention the traffic jam in Jakarta. But I cannot help myself saying that traffic jam caused by some high level government officers who want to go home is ridiculous in anyway.

I went to two supermarkets, and completely confused about how the way they manage the product location. I went to a local airline ticketing office to change my husband's departing date. But they cannot change it locally, because it was issued in Melbourne. It will take 3 working days to get it fixed. I asked why, they said they need to send the message through telex service, and wait for Melbourne's office to reply it. I asked again, "why?". yea, why telex service? Why didn't they just use email?

Anyway, I'm still working to comfort myself in anyway I can. I love the weather, tho sometimes it's so humid. But it's good that I am not get cold in rainy day. I love the fresh market in my neighbourhood. It's clean and neat. And also provide so many varieties of food. I love being surrounded by people I love and love me. I love the fact that I can go meet my husband's parents with no string attached. Oh and I love Keitaro, he's smart and adorable!

Most of all, I love the fact that my baby boy, Amadeo, is growing so well. He's now 3.8kg and 51cm. We're dancing in breastfeeding, we're doing it like a couple of rockstar now.

I'm comforting myself with any happy moment that happened on me. I will survive here.

About Forgiveness

It was last year, after my miscarriage, when I went to church and in his sermon the priest mentioned about forgiving. My small family here (my husband and I), considered that sermon to be one of our family values. There are also several other things that we adopt to be values, but today I just want to share about forgiveness and happiness.

Forgiveness is simply not about declaring it to people you are angry with. But it is a journey.

God ask us to forgive our friends, family, or even people we don't know well for what they have done that hurt us. When we hurt, the negative feelings (such as sad, angry, rejection) create a place in our heart, and stay there. The question is, how to wipe off these feelings? There are quick answers that we would have in mind, in example "forgive the one(s) who hurt you", "time will heal", or the best answer might be "God will heal"

Sure, God will heal, time will heal, and by forgiving, heart will be healed by itself.
The thing is it won't happen in a clap.

Forgiveness is a journey. And I believe, God know and will not force us to give our forgiveness right away because we are human and we have limitation.
We also cannot ask God to give a forgiveness heart if we still keep the hurts inside. We need to let go the hurts, which we have to realise that God did not put them in our hearts at the first place.

Work with God everyday. If it is too hard to forgive, simply ask for happiness. And actually, we do not have to ask, just open our hearts, because God give happiness in various forms into our lives everyday. We just need to accept it. In Math, if we keep add positive numbers to negative ones, at some point the negative numbers will change to positive.

We might cannot get rid off the hurts or hate easily. But by adding happiness and love in our hearts, little by little everyday, hurts and hate will be vanished. And when they're gone, we find that we have forgiven the one(s) who gave the hurts.

Again, it won't happen in a clap. It's a long journey. We can assess this journey every once in a while, just so we know where we stand in the journey. If we still can feel the hurts, we know that we have not reached the end of the journey.

Not to forget, there are people on the other side. Sometimes it makes it harder when we are hurt by someone, but still has to work everyday with this someone. Sometimes, distance makes it easier to heal ourselves and forgive.
Of course, some great people can work this out. But when we realise that the hurts are still growing when we're with the source, it is not wrong to take distance. In this case, we can try to build a healthier relationship again with the source of our hurts in order to assess our hearts. If we can still feel the hurts, we might consider to step back again, and work with our own hearts, as I stated above.

Is it a self-centered way? Some people might find that it is a self-centered way. But again, how can we love, if we are not fulfilled with love?


Melbourne, 21/11/2009 / 10:01am

Bad Things Happen

Verdi was my best friend. His mum was my mum's best friend too. They were best friends like forever. Just like me and Audrey.

My mum was devastated when Verdi's mum passed away last year. I was also devastated, because she was one of my lifetime favourite aunty. And also because Verdi is my bestie. I was not in Jakarta at that time, so I cannot offer to comfort him.

Three days ago, my mum rang me, saying Verdi has also passed away. I am still unsure about what kind of illness he suffered from. But I feel like I do not want to know. It's sad enough to hear the news. I'm thinking of his dad. Verdi was his parents only son. How's the old man doing now...? I have to go to see him once I get to Jakarta.

This morning, my husband got an SMS from his bestie. It said that the friend has a tumour in his lungs. My husband is still upset now, because he just knew this.

When someone close to ourselves spill their good news to us, most of the time we will spontaneously feel happy for them. But it always takes time to learn the news when it's about bad things.
It is going to be like we stuck in the middle of confusion with million questions buzzing in our heads.

We need to pull back ourselves by realising that things happen. No matter how hard we try to stick in that moment with those million questions, the universe keeps making us move.We need to go with that flow. To keep us sane.

Tired

It's been a tiring day for us. One of my best friends passed away this morning. His mom was my mom's best friend too. She has passed away earlier, not long ago. Thus this is a very sad moment for my family.

Amadeo and I are also still learning to dance together in breastfeeding. We went to see lactation consultant again today. Funny thing is we can do everything beautifully there. At home we're still struggling and juggling between breast and bottle. But we'll get there. I won't give up, I keep trying 2-3 times a day, no matter how much soar I feel. Sometimes I just can't bear it. So I took a break. But determine to try again. I believe we'll get there.

Anyway, now I feel like having a long bath. But I'm also very sleepy and tired. I'm going to express some milk and call the day.

Nighty night Melbourne..

Fair

At this stage, it feels unfair to have another baby after Amadeo.

We've been through so many things. A complicated pregnancy, an emergency cesaerian, four weeks in Newborn Intensive Care Unit, incubator, lots of blood sugar checks, photo-therapy, tube, bottle, nipple shield, bottle, baby-led-attachment, mum-led-attachment, follow-me-mum attachment, and the hardest part will be living separately from his dad.

My husband and I feel like it's not fair at all to bring another issue in Amadeo's life. All we want now is go through everything else, and jump to the other side of story.

Brave Me.

I am brave enough now to use my name as my blog url.

Since 8 years ago, I've been blogging using many blog names. I don't know why. Oh and I also will be inconvenient whenever people start to know about me. I feel like hiding.
And yes, that was what I did.

I keep changing blog, changing name, making sure that it won't appear in any search engine. But in this very day, I think it's stupid. Why I need to hide?

So here I am.
Brave me.